Beginning and Ending

A new year has started...

A new beginning.

My life revolves around me and myself only nowadays.

I, am glad. Because through this way, at least people will forget about me and go on with their new lives. I'm no longer a burden to anyone anymore.

Interestingly though, I'm not depressed nor suicidal in any way at all.

Again, some one 'betrayed' me. I've not replied to her message in any way, because I'm just wasting my own time in the end. Instead, I deleted it without a second thought. I don't need her as a friend anyway. In fact, I do not need anyone to be my friend.

I've forgotten what it was to be happy or sad anyway.

Whatever feelings that I show each day on my face, I ain't even sure if I'm truly feeling that way after all.

That's because I've learnt not to show my true feelings out, because I fear...

I fear I would be hurt once more.

Yesterday, I handed over a letter which I wrote personally to my CCA secretary. My vice-chairman saw it, and asked me why I never wrote her one. I told her, I will, but it would be so much longer, in that case would you still want it and she replied yes.

In actual fact, I don't even know what I would writing after all.

When I picked up the pen and begin to write, I wrote what I thought of.

Even though sadness overwhelms me whenever I think of the events.
But there will never be tears shed. There's no use in crying after all.
Even if I were to cry, who would understand my tears?
Even if I were to say out loud, who would understand my situation?

I'm just merely a tormented soul lost in a big world. I fear death, but wish for death to come some times. Do you know why?

God, seemingly has no grace for us poor souls.

When I went back to the place which had filled me with horrid memories, I am greatly surprised, that teachers remember us because we had our say in the way we ran our CCA. The teachers were impressed, with what we did and how it turned out to be.

So what? After all, we would merely be buried in time and history for we no longer exists in the school's history.

In that case, why remember?

Though four years were difficult to pass, I have to agree that I'm glad that some good things come out of it after all. Yet, all this good things have come to an end after all:

1) To the friends and 'comrades', everyone would have had a new beginning. As such, surge on forward and do not look back anymore.
2) To the teacher who had faith in us, at least we are no longer a burden to you because you would not have to take charge of us anymore.

Our story, has come to an ending. We exist no more. Thus, move on forward and do not dwell on the past at all. Instead, let me, the foolish one to stay in all this memories.

Because I still have a cause in all these misery. But you don't.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again.

"I'm my own controllor in the way I run my life."

"Shine on this life that's burning out"